No, not the F bomb. The other F word.
A word I despise because it's a label. It's not
who or
what you are. People are judged by that word. It's not normal or "healthy" (gosh, I hate that word). It's supposed to be this horrible thing but in reality, is it all that bad?
The word I'm referring to it FAT.
A person
has fat; one
is not fat. Nobody wants to be friends with the fat kid. Nobody wants to sit by the fat man in the restaurant. Nobody wants to see a fat woman in a bathing suit. Why is that? Are you afraid you're going to catch being fat from the other person? If that were the case, I'd be sure to sit by a lot of mean, skinny people.
This is an issue that's bothered me for quite some time. I usually keep quiet about my point of view so I don't spark a controversy or offend someone. At this point, I'm beyond that. People don't care about offending me, whether their comments are directed towards me or not, so why should I be the one to be silent? I plan on giving my thoughts on this in a way that isn't offensive or demeaning. I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion but if one chooses to express his or her opinion, then he or she should do it in a respectful manner.
What does it mean to judge someone? According to Merriam Webster's Dictionary, judging is defined as "to form an opinion about (something or someone) after careful thought; to regard (someone) as good or bad".
First off, I'm referring to judging someone by looks alone. We aren't supposed to judge anybody to begin with. Without bringing religion into the conversation, there's only one person that I feel should judge me. That's me. No one in this world is perfect (and if you think you are, get off your pedestal). Because everyone has flaws, no one should judge another person. Having said that, I must add that there is a difference between judging a person by physical characteristics and judging a person by behavioral characteristics. Now before you call me a hypocrite, here's what I mean. If I know for a fact that someone does drugs, I am not going to associate myself with that person.. I will not be cruel to that person, but I also won't go out of my way to befriend that person. You may wonder why, considering the fact that I just said no one should be judged. It's because I don't want to be associated with a person who is a bad influence, and I don't want that person's actions and choices to affect my family or me. The whole drug conversation can be saved for another post, because I have A LOT to say about that.
But I digress. Let's get back to the point I'm making. Being overweight alone doesn't have anything to do with personality and manners. No matter how big or small a person is, everyone deserves kindness and everyone should be kind to others. Who's to decide what's "fat" and what's "healthy"? The Center for Disease Control, from what I understand...so basically, the government. While I'm sure it's meant as guidelines and with good intentions, I don't appreciate being labeled by my height-to-weight ratio. I think assessing weight is one of things that should be decided on by the individual and the individual's doctor, not the government. Look, I get that there's a lot of medical problems associated with being overweight. I get it, I really do. But not everyone that is overweight has health issues! I know, I'm one of them! I visit my doctor on a regular basis and while she suggests that I do need to lose weight (again, because my body mass index is high for my height-to-weight ratio) I don't have high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, or heart disease. As a matter of fact, I know people who are in the healthy weight range and they do have those problems, and more! I rarely get sick, and overall I'm a healthy individual.
I won't lie. According to the CDC, I'm considered obese. What I am not, however, is a mean, insensitive, unkind, and hurtful person. I don't believe in making fun of other individuals. I don't see the point in deliberately hurting someone for personal gain. It's just not right. I know that being overweight isn't the best for me. I'm not physically able to keep up with others like I should. I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not comfortable in my skin. I sincerely wish I was because I'd be a lot happier. The main reason I'd be happier is because I know I wouldn't be judged because I'm overweight.
I've been considered obese for about three years now. In 2010 I was considered overweight despite strenuous attempts at diet and exercise without much results. In a desperate attempt to lose weight, I took diet pills along with my diet and exercise. In a few months I got down to 125 pounds (so according to my BMI I was in the normal range). I was proud of myself! I exercised for 1-2 hours a day, ate relatively well, felt good, and most importantly, felt good.. But I cheated. The diet pills made me have practically no appetite at all. They had caffeine in them so I could go without drinking Cokes and not have the horrible, intense headaches that came with quitting them. I had a lot more energy and endurance so I could exercise for long periods of time and not feel exhausted. Seemed completely harmless to me. But E and my family found out I was taking them and strongly encouraged me to quit taking them because they thought I was losing too much weight too fast. They also said that I would be hurting myself in the long run if I kept taking the diet pills. To make them happy, I complied. Even though I was still exercising and eating well, the weight slowly came back on. Different medications that I've taken over the years for depression and birth control have contributed to my gradual increase in weight. Granted, my exercise and diet also attributed to my steady increase as well. I'm not making excuses for myself...my schedule has become hectic over the years and I honestly don't have much time to myself, much less time to dedicate to exercising and eating right.
So how did my feathers get all ruffled in the first place? It started with a smart ass remark made from someone. This comment came from someone who claims to not have weight issues and to be a healthy individual. The remark made was that fat people "are disgusting". That hurt my feelings pretty deeply at the time because one, it came from someone that I'd went to school with and wouldn't ever expected that to come out of this person's mouth. and two, because I felt as though that comment was directed towards me. Whether or not if it was directed towards me will be one of the many mysteries of life. It was a horrible statement to make, regardless of who it was directed to. I don't know the events that lead up to make someone say something so barbaric. I don't really care to know either. But to make a cruel label about people that you know nothing about is atrocious. All I do know is that it made me feel like this person thought
I was disgusting. I'm sure that if it made me feel that way, it more than likely made other people feel the same way. What little bit of confidence I had in myself at the time was instantly crushed. I'm by no means a disgusting person, so why did it hurt my feelings to begin with? Because this person took a subject that I was sensitive about and made me feel even worse about it. It made me more insecure than I already was. This person then tried to back up the remark saying that the comment referred only to people who were "fat", ate fast food, and complained about their weight. Umm...last time I checked, there were people who were "healthy" that ate fast food and complained about their weight. So that pissed me off even more. It took everything in me not to jump this person's ass and make that person feel as horribly as I did. But that's not the right thing to do; I cooled off and let it slide.
Several months ago, another person who I went to school with made the remark that even though this person would get a lot of heat for saying it, the classmates this person saw on that day looked like shit and needed to start taking care of themselves. Yeah, that was pretty harsh as well. It evolved to people letting themselves go, being overweight, and not making any effort to take care of their looks. Another one of life's mysteries as to if that comment was directed towards me or not. It's irrelevant. Another person stood up to this person saying not to make remarks like that because number one, it doesn't make that person feel any better, number two, no one knows another person's life and situation, and number three, it made it seem like this person was better than everyone else. Again, it came from another person who I'd thought was beyond making comments like this. How could anybody be so ignoble? What made it worse was that people were agreeing with this person's statement. One person tried to defend the person who made the comment by saying that the common goal is trying to make everybody realize they should be healthy and to get them to do better for themselves. So...telling people they look like shit is supposed to be motivating? Not the kind of motivation I need.
I'm getting sidetracked from what I really wanted to accomplish. I'm so fed up with people being labeled in general, by race, gender, age, economic status, body type; I could go on... it's ridiculous. All the labels that people are given shouldn't be a reflection of who they are. Just because a person has excess body fat doesn't mean that he or she isn't a genuinely good person. I made this statement on Facebook and I'll make it again... I really wish people loved as unconditionally as dogs do. The world really would be a much better place. A dog doesn't judge you. A dog loves you no matter what you look like or what kind of day you've had. All a dog gives and wants in return is love. I'd rather be overweight and kind than healthy and mean. I know there are people who are healthy and kind and overweight and mean. It's wrong to be mean! Regardless of how a person looks or what a person has or doesn't have, everyone deserves kindness and respect.
I'm guilty of not eating right. But that alone is not the reason I'm the size I am. I love sweets, soda, fried food, and I'm not a fan of vegetables. It's not really anybody's business why I'm the size I am. I rarely wear make up. My hair is a mess most of the time. I wear over sized t-shirts and jeans. I have wrinkles and my skin breaks out often. I have a lot of gray hair. But if I'm content and don't have medical issues, why pick on me? Do you have your own insecurities and do you feel it's easier to make somebody else feel badly because you do? I'm not harming you! Leave me alone and keep your smart ass remarks to yourself.
I may not always be exactly where I want to be in life, but I'm taking my journey one road at a time. I won't travel the same roads you do. I'm happy with myself. I'm sorry if you're not; but don't bring me down.
Don't judge anybody because you don't know what road they're going down.
