When things don't go my way...

I have to say that I am pretty aggravated at the moment.  I've been trying since the last blog post to work on a literature reading video since I haven't done one in a while.  Unfortunately, reality and life rear their ugly heads in and didn't allow me to do so.  But today I specifically put time aside to do it.  I get everything lined up as to what I want to say and everything.  I get ready to video and what happens?

The camera on the computer that I'm using says it's not working.

 

Seriously...these pictures describe how I feel perfectly.

 

I just had to get that out there because I didn't want you guys to think I forgot about doing this.  One of these days I will have my own computer and I won't have to worry about this kind of shit happening to me!

 

On a positive note, Abigail started school today.  She's in the fourth grade now!

 

 

My big & beautiful girl!

 

That's all I have to say at the moment.  I didn't forget, guys!  I tried videoing on my phone and not only was the quality crummy, it only allowed me to do about five minutes worth.  I can't say everything I have to say in just five minutes! 

 

So it looks like I won't be doing a video anytime soon.  :(

 

I'm sorry.

 

--Alane

 

 

 



 



Life After Camp

Hey, fellow commuters!

I'm baaaaaaaack!

I apologize for not being able to get to this blog post sooner.  I'm fighting a funky ass head cold and I've been in a fog for the past few days.  Not only that, I still don't have a computer.  I'll be getting one shortly after school starts for me, hopefully.  I will attempt to make a video within the next couple days as well.

I completed Camp NaNoWriMo on July 30 (one day ahead of the deadline)!  I'm pleased with what I accomplished, but I have a LOT more work to do on my novel.

It was an awesome experience.  I really appreciated the support that came along with the virtual cabin I was in.  I have to confess, though...  about halfway through, I had a breakdown.  The challenge to write 50k words for a novel became too overwhelming for me.  The good thing about camp is that word count goals are flexible, so I decided upon a more practical word count goal of 35k words.  I learned a lot of things during this process.

1) Writing is NOT easy.  Anybody who says otherwise is a damn liar.  While it's not easy, it is an enjoyable experience.  There's a lot to learn by writing.  I learn about focus, concentration, will power, proper grammar, sentencing structure, and being unique every single time I write.  There's so much more and each writing experience is different.  It's not about just putting words together, it's about pulling emotions out from your readers and captivating them.  It's pouring your heart and soul into words because it's easier to write how you feel instead of saying it.

2) Plan, plot, and think ahead!  It sounds easy, but don't let it fool you.  Even when you think you've got everything in order, go back and do it some more!  This is my second attempt at writing a novel and I always go with the flow.  That's one of my biggest mistakes and it can be very stressful.  If you just have an overall idea of what you're writing about and not specifics, you're setting yourself up for disaster.  What am I getting at?  Get your ducks in a row before you start writing so while you are writing, you don't have to hit any unnecessary obstacles.

3) Exceed your daily word count goal.  Seriously.  At times, it puts extra pressure on yourself, but doing so allows for the day (or days) you need a break from writing. 

4) Change your writing scenery.  I was surprised to learn how being outside to write can be so inspirational.  When it wasn't ideal to write outside, I went to the library to do some writing.  Believe it or not, that's where a lot of my writing got done.

5) Give and get support from your fellow writers.  It goes a long way when you're writing.  It's also comforting to know that when you have writer's block, someone has been through it as well.

6) It's okay to put your novel away for a few days.  Especially when life knocks on the door and expects you to return to reality.

7) Most importantly, have fun!  If you're not having fun writing, it's time to take a break.  Writings are works in progress.  If you're getting stressed out, frustrated, and to the point where you're not enjoying what  you're doing, revert to #6.

I hope I don't make writing sound like an avoidable experience.  Everyone should write.  It's an essential form of communication.  There are so many people today that don't write properly and use words incorrectly.  As I mentioned earlier, I learn something new every time I write.  But there's more to writing than just putting words together that make sense.  It's about self-expression.  It's about appreciating aesthetic beauty.  It's about learning to think before you act.  I'd like to share something that in my opinion applies to not just writing, but to my blog overall:

"Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.

You must travel it by yourself.

It is not far.  It is within reach.

Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.

Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land."

--Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Overall, it was a productive month.  August is already proving to be a VERY BUSY month.  I am taking the rest of the week off to give myself a little break and to have a "staycation".  It won't be any kind of time off where I have nothing to do--believe me, I have PLENTY to do!  I will be taking Abigail to school today to meet her teacher and get things in order for her.  Thursday (the 7th) is my niece's birthday and we'll be getting together to do something for her.  Friday (the 8th) is Abigail's first day of fourth grade!  Next week I will be registering her for religion and dance classes.  In three weeks, I'll be starting school for the semester.  This will be the first semester I'm taking classes that I am passionate about and not just ones that I HAVE to take.  I know it will be crazy and hectic, but I'm optimistic about the semester.

I will do my ABSOLUTE BEST to keep updating as the school year progresses.  Don't hold it against me if I don't update as often, though.

Have a great week!
Alane

I'm going to camp!

Yep!  For the first time EVER!  I'm really excited!

I'm going to Camp NaNoWriMo for the month of July!

I'm not really going anywhere; it's a writing exercise.

Thirty-one days of writing, writing, and more writing.  What I like about it is that the camp is flexible as far as to what you write.  Unlike the full National Novel Writing Month event in November (where you write a 50,000 word novel in one month), you can revise something you've already written, write a short story...you name it, you do it!  I was going to write a short story/journal but instead I'm basically rewriting my project from NaNoWriMo 2013.  It's a sad situation, really.  I got to right over 10,000 words (I was very proud of myself considering it was my first attempt at a long work).  I probably would've gotten a lot farther with my novel than that, but it was a very hectic semester.  I was so consumed with papers, practicals, exams, and more than I could have ever imagined.

Every time I'd start writing, I'd end up like this:

So, yeah... to say I struggled with juggling everything I was trying to do is putting it lightly.  But that's not even the worst part!  I'll get to that in a moment.  Some days I was on a roll and more than met my daily goal and other days I was lucky to write two sentences.  I thought I was smart for having my novel on my flash drive... well... earlier in the spring semester, I lost my flash drive at school.  It's like it disappeared out of nowhere.  I'm still upset about it.  I had a bunch of creative writing on the drive along with a bunch of my papers I'd written on there and --POOF-- there they went!  Luckily, I was able to recover everything EXCEPT FOR MY NOVEL.  And I was so proud of my first novel attempt.

It sucks, but it was a HARD lesson learned.

One of my goals for camp is to actually finish my novel/NaNoWriMo 2013 project, Of Joy That Kills.  The title is taken from an excerpt from Kate Chopin's short story The Story of an Hour.  I'd rather wait until camp is over before I tell you what it's about so I don't spoil any surprises about anything.  My original word count goal for camp was going to be 20,000 words but I think I'm going to aim for 50,000 words.  I'm hoping it will be easier this go around since I don't have school taking up most of my time.

Another update on my readings... I am finally on Canto XIV in The Inferno.  It's hard.  I've been reading online notes to help me understand what's going on because I'm so lost.  I've actually thought about throwing the book down and giving up because all the references are over my head.  I'm not a quitter, and I wouldn't abuse a book like that!  It's taken me a lot longer to get through it than I anticipated.  But honestly, IT IS GOOD.  It really, REALLY makes you think.  I love stories that make you think about life.  I would definitely recommend it.  One of these days, I'll get to the other two parts of Dante's Divine Comedy...Purgatorio and Paradiso.  Another book I'll finish one of these days is Edmund Spenser's The Faerie Queene.  I read Book I for one of my classes last fall and while I struggled with it at the time, I did enjoy it.

AND as promised, I finally made my YouTube video debut!  It only took what, two months?  Better late than never!  Please subscribe to my channel and take a look at my video.  As nerve racking as it was, I had so much fun doing it.  I can't wait to do another one soon!

That's about it.  I'm going to be honest and let you know ahead of time--I'm going to be spending a lot of time focusing on my novel, so I more than likely won't update as frequently as I have been.  I will make a conscious effort to do so, but don't hold me to it.  I want to devote all my time and energy into my novel.   I want it to be GOOD.

Have a good rest of the week!  Wish me luck on writing--I'm going to need it!

Alane

The F Word

No, not the F bomb.  The other F word.

A word I despise because it's a label. It's not who or what you are.  People are judged by that word. It's not normal or "healthy" (gosh, I hate that word).  It's supposed to be this horrible thing but in reality, is it all that bad?

The word I'm referring to it FAT.

A person has fat; one is not fat.  Nobody wants to be friends with the fat kid.  Nobody wants to sit by the fat man in the restaurant.  Nobody wants to see a fat woman in a bathing suit. Why is that?  Are you afraid you're going to catch being fat from the other person?  If that were the case, I'd be sure to sit by a lot of mean, skinny people.

This is an issue that's bothered me for quite some time.  I usually keep quiet about my point of view so I don't spark a controversy or offend someone.  At this point, I'm beyond that.  People don't care about offending me, whether their comments are directed towards me or not, so why should I be the one to be silent?  I plan on giving my thoughts on this in a way that isn't offensive or demeaning.  I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion but if one chooses to express his or her opinion, then he or she should do it in a respectful manner.

What does it mean to judge someone?  According to Merriam Webster's Dictionary, judging is defined as "to form an opinion about (something or someone) after careful thought; to regard (someone) as good or bad".

First off, I'm referring to judging someone by looks alone.  We aren't supposed to judge anybody to begin with.  Without bringing religion into the conversation, there's only one person that I feel should judge me.  That's me.  No one in this world is perfect (and if you think you are, get off your pedestal).  Because everyone has flaws, no one should judge another person.  Having said that, I must add that there is a difference between judging a person by physical characteristics and judging a person by behavioral characteristics.  Now before you call me a hypocrite, here's what I mean.  If I know for a fact that someone does drugs, I am not going to associate myself with that person..  I will not be cruel to that person, but I also won't go out of my way to befriend that person.  You may wonder why, considering the fact that I just said no one should be judged.  It's because I don't want to be associated with a person who is a bad influence, and I don't want that person's actions and choices to affect my family or me.  The whole drug conversation can be saved for another post, because I have A LOT to say about that.

But I digress.  Let's get back to the point I'm making.  Being overweight alone doesn't have anything to do with personality and manners.  No matter how big or small a person is, everyone deserves kindness and everyone should be kind to others.  Who's to decide what's "fat" and what's "healthy"?  The Center for Disease Control, from what I understand...so basically, the government.  While I'm sure it's meant as guidelines and with good intentions, I don't appreciate being labeled by my height-to-weight ratio.  I think assessing weight is one of things that should be decided on by the individual and the individual's doctor, not the government.  Look, I get that there's a lot of medical problems associated with being overweight.  I get it, I really do.  But not everyone that is overweight has health issues!  I know, I'm one of them!  I visit my doctor on a regular basis and while she suggests that I do need to lose weight (again, because my body mass index is high for my height-to-weight ratio)  I don't have high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, or heart disease.  As a matter of fact, I know people who are in the healthy weight range and they do have those problems, and more!  I rarely get sick, and overall I'm a healthy individual.

I won't lie.  According to the CDC, I'm considered obese.  What I am not, however, is a mean, insensitive, unkind, and hurtful person.  I don't believe in making fun of other individuals.  I don't see the point in deliberately hurting someone for personal gain.  It's just not right.  I know that being overweight isn't the best for me.  I'm not physically able to keep up with others like I should.  I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not comfortable in my skin.  I sincerely wish I was because I'd be a lot happier.  The main reason I'd be happier is because I know I wouldn't be judged because I'm overweight.

I've been considered obese for about three years now.  In 2010 I was considered overweight despite strenuous attempts at diet and exercise without much results.  In a desperate attempt to lose weight, I took diet pills along with my diet and exercise.  In a few months I got down to 125 pounds (so according to my BMI I was in the normal range).  I was proud of myself!  I exercised for 1-2 hours a day, ate relatively well, felt good, and most importantly, felt good..  But I cheated.  The diet pills made me have practically no appetite at all.  They had caffeine in them so I could go without drinking Cokes and not have the horrible, intense headaches that came with quitting them.  I had a lot more energy and endurance so I could exercise for long periods of time and not feel exhausted.  Seemed completely harmless to me.  But E and my family found out I was taking them and strongly encouraged me to quit taking them because they thought I was losing too much weight too fast.  They also said that I would be hurting myself in the long run if I kept taking the diet pills.  To make them happy, I complied.  Even though I was still exercising and eating well, the weight slowly came back on.  Different medications that I've taken over the years for depression and birth control have contributed to my gradual increase in weight.  Granted, my exercise and diet also attributed to my steady increase as well.  I'm not making excuses for myself...my schedule has become hectic over the years and I honestly don't have much time to myself, much less time to dedicate to exercising and eating right.

So how did my feathers get all ruffled in the first place?  It started with a smart ass remark made from someone.  This comment came from someone who claims to not have weight issues and to be a healthy individual.  The remark made was that fat people "are disgusting".  That hurt my feelings pretty deeply at the time because one, it came from someone that I'd went to school with and wouldn't ever expected that to come out of this person's mouth. and two, because I felt as though that comment was directed towards me.  Whether or not if it was directed towards me will be one of the many mysteries of life.  It was a horrible statement to make, regardless of who it was directed to.  I don't know the events that lead up to make someone say something so barbaric.  I don't really care to know either.  But to make a cruel label about people that you know nothing about is atrocious.  All I do know is that it made me feel like this person thought I was disgusting.  I'm sure that if it made me feel that way, it more than likely made other people feel the same way.  What little bit of confidence I had in myself at the time was instantly crushed.  I'm by no means a disgusting person, so why did it hurt my feelings to begin with?  Because this person took a subject that I was sensitive about and made me feel even worse about it.  It made me more insecure than I already was.  This person then tried to back up the remark saying that the comment referred only to people who were "fat", ate fast food, and complained about their weight.  Umm...last time I checked, there were people who were "healthy" that ate fast food and complained about their weight.  So that pissed me off even more.  It took everything in me not to jump this person's ass and make that person feel as horribly as I did.  But that's not the right thing to do; I cooled off and let it slide.

Several months ago, another person who I went to school with made the remark that even though this person would get a lot of heat for saying it, the classmates this person saw on that day looked like shit and needed to start taking care of themselves.  Yeah, that was pretty harsh as well.  It evolved to people letting themselves go, being overweight, and not making any effort to take care of their looks.  Another one of life's mysteries as to if that comment was directed towards me or not.  It's irrelevant.  Another person stood up to this person saying not to make remarks like that because number one, it doesn't make that person feel any better, number two, no one knows another person's life and situation, and number three, it made it seem like this person was better than everyone else.  Again, it came from another person who I'd thought was beyond making comments like this.   How could anybody be so ignoble?  What made it worse was that people were agreeing with this person's statement.  One person tried to defend the person who made the comment by saying that the common goal is trying to make everybody realize they should be healthy and to get them to do better for themselves.  So...telling people they look like shit is supposed to be motivating?  Not the kind of motivation I need.

I'm getting sidetracked from what I really wanted to accomplish.  I'm so fed up with people being labeled in general, by race, gender, age, economic status, body type; I could go on... it's ridiculous.  All the labels that people are given shouldn't be a reflection of who they are.  Just because a person has excess body fat doesn't mean that he or she isn't a genuinely good person.  I made this statement on Facebook and I'll make it again... I really wish people loved as unconditionally as dogs do.  The world really would be a much better place.  A dog doesn't judge you.  A dog loves you no matter what you look like or what kind of day you've had.  All a dog gives and wants in return is love.  I'd rather be overweight and kind than healthy and mean.  I know there are people who are healthy and kind and overweight and mean.  It's wrong to be mean!  Regardless of how a person looks or what a person has or doesn't have, everyone deserves kindness and respect.

I'm guilty of not eating right.  But that alone is not the reason I'm the size I am.  I love sweets, soda, fried food, and I'm not a fan of vegetables.  It's not really anybody's business why I'm the size I am.  I rarely wear make up.  My hair is a mess most of the time.  I wear over sized t-shirts and jeans.  I have wrinkles and my skin breaks out often.  I have a lot of gray hair.  But if I'm content and don't have medical issues, why pick on me?  Do you have your own insecurities and do you feel it's easier to make somebody else feel badly because you do?  I'm not harming you!  Leave me alone and keep your smart ass remarks to yourself.

I may not always be exactly where I want to be in life, but I'm taking my journey one road at a time.  I won't travel the same roads you do.  I'm happy with myself.  I'm sorry if you're not; but don't bring me down.

Don't judge anybody because you don't know what road they're going down.

Life in the Fast Lane

Hello, commuters!

I've been driving in the left lane this week, it seems!  I have been on the go and just honestly haven't had a chance to update.  Not much to report, but it's been a good week and a half.

Last Saturday was the Sanchez-Templet family reunion.  When I tell you it's been YEARS since my family has gotten together, I'm not exaggerating.  The only time we usually see each other is at weddings and funerals..  My mom, Kenny, Abigail, and I went and we HAD A BLAST!  We were so happy we got to see everyone.  Most of us are friends on Facebook and keep in touch like that, but nothing beats a good hug from a cousin (especially since I have the best ones)!.  My mom and I both agreed that being around family is the best medicine for Kenny.  We laughed, danced, ate, reminisced, and overall enjoyed ourselves--despite the heat and all!  The reunions will continue to be scheduled for every two years.  I'm looking forward to the next one!

Abigail had practice for her dance revue last Wednesday.  I can't believe how close it is--it's TONIGHT!  TONIGHT MY GIRL WILL SHINE ON STAGE!  I'm so proud of Abigail.  She truly loves dancing and not to mention.....she's pretty darn good at it!  I will try to talk her into taking ballet next year along with jazz and tap.  She got an award for being in dancing for six years!

I haven't been able to make much progress with The Inferno.  Since it had been a few days that I had started reading it, I went back and re-read the first canto because I didn't understand all the references.    The book I got from Barnes and Noble has a bunch of end notes, but I find myself getting distracted having to flip back and forth between the reading and the notes.  I'm just barely into the second canto.  Although it's not an easy read, I'm enjoying it so far.  I'm really looking forward to finishing it (if I can get to that point).  It's really frustrating for me because I love to read and I just don't have the time to devote to reading as I would like.  I'm distracted by every day tasks that I have.  I don't have enough hours in the day to do everything I would like to!  I'm not trying to make an excuse for myself (or am I...?) but every time I turn around, I always have something to do!  If I sit down for five minutes, that's a lot!  Even though I don't have school taking up my time, I seem to have NO time to myself.  I'm saying that, but yesterday for example, I went to two Lowe's and two Home Depots trying to get sod for my front yard because I'm sick of looking at dirt.  After that, I had to stop at the fabric store to get something for Abigail's costume..  I had to stop to get gas..  I stopped by one of my friend''s house because her daughter and Abigail and best friends and my friend got admitted to the hospital yesterday (so keep her in your prayers!).  I didn't get home until almost 6:00.  Luckily, E cooked dinner.  I was busy putting down the sod I bought and I'm telling you...I'm feeling it today!

I got started on GoodReads tracking what books I've read, what books I want to read, and the progress I'm making on the two I'm reading now.  I didn't even mention...I've started reading Shakespeare's Much Ado about Nothing.  I really, REALLY like it so far.  I'm hoping to make a trip to the library and bookstore soon because there are quite a few books on my to-read list.

I have another novel/short story idea in the works too!  I haven't sat down and worked on it like I would've liked to, but for me, coming up with the idea in the first place is the hardest part!

I've also decided in stone to do literature readings for my YouTube videos.  I plan to do a short introduction video first, and I'll talk a little about me and my goal for doing the videos..  For each video after that, I am going to talk about what I'll be reading and its impact on me.  I don't plan on doing any kind of literary analysis on any of the readings because quite honestly, that's what school's for.  So stay tuned--I'll get around to it soon.

And that's been the past week and a half in my life.  Made a couple of pit stops along the way, but all good.  I will post again within the next week or so with an update on my readings, writings, and life.

Alane

Happy Anniversary to my blog!

I know I'm late, but I just realized I've been working on this blog for over a year now!

A LOT has happened over the past year, but I have to say that I really wouldn't change anything I've gone through. 

Why? 

Because that's how life is. 

Life really is like the lanes of traffic. You may be in the right lane (literally) and people may pass you.  That's okay. You may be in the left lane attempting to pass someone and get side swiped. That would be a horrible thing to go through, but at the end of the day, you would still learn something from it. You might get a blowout from a pothole. But when you travel down that road again, you'd remember where that pothole was and you'd be sure to avoid it. 

Some days are like bumper to bumper traffic. It takes forever to get where you want to go, but all the while you're able to see and appreciate things you may not have been able to before. Sometimes there isn't traffic at all and you're able to get from point A to point B in no time.  That's not always practical...you have to expect traffic and you have to expect a few bumps in the road. 

At the end of the day, it's important to know that no matter what, you get to your destination.  It might take a little while longer than anticipated. Hell, you'll probably make a few wrong turns or perhaps take a detour. I know I have. But what makes it worth while is that I learn something new every day.

I'm grateful that I've taken some detours in my life. I'm grateful for some of the wrong turns I've taken, too. If I hadn't made mistakes, I might not have been able to be where I am right now--HAPPY. I can genuinely say I am happy with myself and the way things are going.

I'm happy that I am able to write my story. I am a work in progress and I know my writing isn't the best. I'm getting there. I really hope that at the end of the day, someone can learn something from me. Even if one person does...my goal is complete.

Alane




Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken"--The story of my life!
I know it's kind of hard to read. But if you're not familiar with this poem, LOOK IT UP!

Writing & Reading

Hello, fellow commuters!

I hope everyone is having a good week so far. Mine has been pretty decent.

Not much has been going on. Abigail started summer camp this past week. She seems to really be enjoying it, so that makes me happy. 

I actually started reading a book that I've been meaning to read for the past eight months or so. It's Dante's The Inferno. I got through the first canto with no problem, so I'm hoping the rest will be smooth sailing as well. One goal I have for the summer break is to read some literature that I've always wanted to read and to possibly throw in a couple other good reads. I really do like to read, but I'm always on the go. I get easily distracted (unless classical music is playing) and I have a difficult time concentrating on anything, even if it's something I really like to do.

Another thing I worked on this week was not one, but two novel ideas! I love the moment when I get an idea and everything seems to fall right into place. One idea I'm saving for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), but the other one I think I'll work on for Camp NaNoWriMo in July. My understanding of the camp is to help you practice for The full NaNoWriMo in November. I think you set your word counts and everything. I will keep in touch as I'm working on it.

I still haven't decided on an idea for weekly or biweekly YouTube videos. I didn't think it was going to be this challenging. An idea just popped into my head--what about doing literature readings? I love to read aloud in class and it's not like I'd have to give an impromptu speech on it or anything. Just a thought... :)

I will try my best to keep updated as promised. This Saturday, I have a family reunion that I'm going to. I'm really looking forward to it. It's my dad's side of the family and most of them are older than I am. I haven't seen some of them in so long and some of them I don't know if I've seen at all! So it will definitely be a fun event! 

Saturday evening will be an emotional one for us as well. There will be a farewell reception for Father Billy at church. Sunday will be his last mass at OLPH. He will be visiting his family in Ireland for a few weeks and when he returns, he will be at a new church and OLPH will have a new priest. I'm remaining optimistic about it. No one can replace Father Billy, but I'm sure the new priest will be great as well.

That's about it for this week. I hope to have some progress on my novels and reading this week.

Have a great week!

Alane

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.

Good ol' Ben Franklin!

You'll see I've done some layout changes because CHANGE IS GOOD.  I've finally been able to sit down and do a complete update!  I've been super busy (as usual) but I've honestly been trying to take time out to do a little bit for myself. As hectic as everything has been, I really wouldn't want it any other way.

Time to backtrack a little (which I wouldn't have to do if I would update more frequently). Remember I mentioned that my college's literary magazine was getting ready to come out? Well, it has and a couple of my short stories got published! I had submitted some haikus as well that didn't get published, but I was okay with that. I'm happy that my longer works were the ones chosen, anyway. They have a more profound meaning.



I ended up not being able to submit anything for my scholarships. It turns out I wasn't eligible for them. :( So I was slightly disappointed about that. Oh well--other opportunities will arise. I'm trying to convince myself that there was probably a reason for it.

Wrestlemania 30 was AWESOME! I've been to several WWE shows, but there's a reason why Wrestlemania is called the grandest stage of them all. No words can truly explain how cool the entire experience was! I was saddened to learn that just two days after seeing him at Wrestlemania and the Hall of Fame Ceremony, the Ultimate Warrior passed away. He gave a wonderful and emotional speech at the HOF ceremony...who knew that would have been one of his last?  And not to mention....THE UNDERTAKER'S STREAK WAS BROKEN.  WHAT THE HELL?  I really don't know what to say besides that!




A group of my friends and I got together and held a mini high school reunion the night before Easter.  We went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner.  We laughed, reminisced about the old days, and had a wonderful time.  Makes me remember why we were good friends in the first place.  Everybody didn't make it.  Hopefully next time around when we do plan something, everybody can make it.  It's not a "clique reunion" if the whole clique isn't there!



The past couple months have been an emotionally packed time for me. All good, I promise! Abigail made her First Reconciliation and First Communion a few weeks ago. I cried like a baby. I don't know what it is, but it seems as if she's growing up all of a sudden.





I was also very sad to learn that the director of religious education at my church (who also happened to be one of my religion teachers at OLHCC), Ms. Harbison, will be leaving in a month for another job. On top of that, Father Billy is being moved to a different church. I will be a mess when they both leave. I've heard wonderful things about the new priest who's coming, but OLPH won't be the same without these great people. In fact, Ms. Harbison helped restore my faith in God and convinced me to start going back to church. I'm so thankful for her because my life has been so much better since I've been going to church. The messages that the church give seem to a come exactly when I need to hear them. Father Billy is a huge reason I went back to church as well. He truly is a wonderful man and if I could've hand-picked a priest for our church, I'd pick him over and over again. He is such an inspiration for my family. Because of him, my brother was able to receive the sacrament of Confirmation. I'm eternally grateful he was put in my life because spiritually, I'd be lost.

I got inducted into Alpha Xi Nu, OLHCC's chapter of Sigma Tau Delta, the International English Honor Society on May 2! This was such an honor! At OLHCC, all majors are invited to join if their overall and English GPA are above a 3.0. Also, there needs to be one or two upper level English classes taken. I'm very proud of myself! This seems to seal the fact that I am, indeed, an English major and most importantly, I BELONG. Which is what I've wanted all along. There was a lovely dinner to go along with the induction and presentation of honor cords for the graduates.




The end of the semester came at such a busy time for me! I had so many things going on AND on top of that, my laptop broke. It has a habit of not working when I need it to, but it's done for good now. So I have to get a new computer before the beginning of next semester. :(

I'm happy to say that I got a B in my British Literature II class. I worked very hard for that grade and I'm very proud of myself. There are some kinks that I have to learn to work out, but overall, I've learned so much in that class! It helps that there is such a strong bond among most of the English majors in the class. It's not often a day goes by that we don't speak with each other. I consider them great friends. Each one is an inspiration to me and I'm glad I have the opportunity to work with them.

Any time I have a glimmer of doubt in what I've chosen to do, I look to these wonderful people and realize I'm right where I belong.  Being an English major is the best decision I've made for my academic career.  I'm blessed to have such wonderful people on the same journey as I am.  The Literary Club had an end of the year dinner to celebrate all the hard work we've accomplished and to honor the graduates.  Even though none of our journeys are identical, we all relate to each other well.  It's such a wonderful feeling knowing you are where you're supposed to be in your life and around the people you are.  I am so content.



That about wraps up the past few months.  Since I'm done with school for the semester, I have a LITTLE bit more free time to do things around and about that I've wanted to do that's been put on hold.  I scheduled my classes for next semester and I'm anxiously waiting for school to start back!  I'm taking Painting I, Shakespeare I, Creative Writing, Advanced Grammar, and Writing Tutorial I: Newspaper.  This will be a full time semester for me, but I can't wait!  I'm finally taking a full semester of classes that I want to take, not have to.

One thing I pledge to do is to update once a week...okay, once every other week.  I really don't have an excuse as to why I shouldn't do that.  If I want to be discovered and help others with their journeys, then I need to do my part.  It's beneficial to me as well.  I'm able to get my feelings out and, most importantly, work on my writing skills.

There are a couple projects I'm thinking about doing, but I can't promise that I'll be able to commit to them.  I'm thinking about starting a fictional blog to prepare myself for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) in November.  I have many ideas floating around as to what I want to do, but nothing set in stone.

Another project, inspired by my friends and fellow English majors Jenna and Courtney, I would like to start doing weekly or biweekly YouTube videos.  I'm not sure what I would be doing videos on.  Courtney does book reviews and Jenna documents her writing experiences.  My main goal is to work on my oratorical skills.  I need to learn to better articulate my words, not repeat myself, and just SPIT OUT WHAT I WANT TO SAY!  For my college internship, I want to do something in journalism or in the communications field.  I need all the practice I can get and I figured this would be a good start.

On that note, I want to link to Jenna's and Courtney's YouTube accounts so you can get an idea as to what I'm considering.  This is Courtney's YouTube account and this is Jenna's YouTube account.  Please subscribe to their channels!

That's about it!  I hope all of you are having a good week!  See you (hopefully) next week!

Alane

A Quickie!

Hello all! I've been super busy lately and haven't had the chance to post. My laptop crashed right as I was getting ready to type my final paper for the semester. So I'm updating on my phone!  I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten about updating! As soon as I get a chance, I'll give a long, detailed post about what's been going on. It's all good, I can assure you.

I'm a Bad Blogger!

It's been TOO LONG since I've last posted!

And I always say this, but I am genuinely sorry for that.  Normally I'd say that I don't know why I haven't posted in so long, but that would be a lie.  I do know why I haven't posted recently.  I have been depressed.  I still am, but I'm feeling a lot better.  A LOT HAS HAPPENED IN this time frame.  Good things and not-so-great things.  But isn't that what life is about?  Most people can shake the ups and downs that life throws at us, but I struggle(d) with them.  I hit rock bottom.  I felt as though I didn't want to live anymore...that life wasn't worth living anymore.  I wanted to give up.  But I knew that I had to do something about it because I was having trouble just "shaking" this horrible feeling.  I started seeing a therapist a few months ago and apparently, I have a lot of built-up feelings that I've suppressed over the years.  She helped me to realize things that I hadn't before and has taught me how to speak my mind.  Every time I go to her, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Because of our conflicting schedules, I haven't been able to see her in over a month.  I reluctantly decided to start taking an antidepressant again.  Don't judge me!  I don't believe in self-medicating and even though it's only been a couple weeks, I see a dramatic improvement in myself.  Part of that is because of the medicine, but there's a huge decision I've made recently.  I'm getting ahead of myself, though.  Allow me to back-track the past several months......

.....And in case you haven't figure it out, this will probably be a LOOOONNG post.........

Abigail had the surgery on her left ear drum the first week of August.  She did well and recovered quickly.  She was such a trooper!  Her hearing has drastically improved since the surgery and doesn't have any more follow up appointments, unless she would have any problems.

I started my first semester back at Our Lady of Holy Cross since getting my associate's degree at the end of August.  As I've previously mentioned, I was studying for my bachelor's in Radiologic Technology with a minor in English.  I was taking two classes for the minor and one for the major.  I had absolutely no down time whatsoever and that was wearing me down.  I was still working as many hours as I could, I had class three days a week (with one day being over twelve hours!), I brought Abby to religion class once a week and dance class another day of the week, I was going to therapy once a week, I started going to school to study on Saturdays, and I go to church, do my grocery shopping, and play catch-up with my housework on Sunday.  I'm wearing out just thinking about how much running around I was doing and how busy I stayed!  Not to mention the usual daily household chores, cooking, taking care of Lola, AND trying to study and do my homework and help Abby with hers. I have to admit that it was nice having a set routine and knowing what was expected of me at all times, but it was very hard for me.  I definitely learned a lot about myself, my work and study habits, and about my writing that semester.  It was an adjustment because I'm not used to being criticized and I get my feelings hurt easily.  It helped me to realize that I am a work in progress and I shouldn't constantly expect perfection from myself.  I did okay for the semester.  My GPA was a 3.00 for the semester, so that brought me down to a 3.27 overall GPA.  I guess that's not too bad, but I was still disappointed in myself.  I got an A in my American Literature class (I had to take two of them), a B in my Anatomy and Physiology class (I have NO idea how I pulled that off!), and a C in the first part of my British Literature class.  The BL class was the one I was the most disappointed with, mainly because I love literature and writing so much and I've never EVER had anything below a B in my English classes.  It taught me that my writing isn't as wonderful as I thought it was and I have a lot to learn.  But having a lot to learn is a good thing, right?

Wrestlemania 30 is coming to New Orleans!  I'm so excited!   In the recent years, I've become a pretty big wrestling fan.  Yes, I know it's fake.  It's entertainment.  I like it a lot more than what's on television nowadays.  Anyways...the day the tickets went on sale, I made sure I got two.  So....I'm going to Wrestlemania!!!!!!  It's on a Sunday night so that kinda sucks, but I *plan* on taking the Monday afterwards off.  I thought about getting a ticket for Abby as well, but with that being a school night and right around the time of state testing, I don't want her to miss any school.  It'll be just me and E going.  I feel as giddy as a kid in a candy store!

My ten year high school reunion was in late October.  In a nutshell, I had the time of my life!  I sure didn't feel too good the next day, but it was great to hang out with some of the people I was close to in high school.  I was slightly disappointed that a lot of the people we were close to didn't show up.  I really looked forward to them coming, but they all had some excuse as to why they couldn't come.  I also learned that time doesn't change people..in good ways and bad ways.  Some people were just as nice and looked exactly the same.  Some of them.....well, God works in mysterious ways and things have a funny way of working out.  Let's just say that some of the women didn't look as perfect as they portrayed themselves to be, and it just so happened to be all the ones who acted like they were better than everybody else.  But I digress.  It didn't matter--I had my bestie with me!  I can't tell you enough how much I love this woman!

This is the night, in a nutshell

 Melanie and I

 Melanie and me with our friends Nicole and Stephanie

My brother Kenny (who I've mentioned before has autism) took a step that no one in the family ever imagined that he'd be able to.  He made his confirmation.  Yes, my brother is now a confirmed Catholic!  I don't know of anyone who is more of an example of Jesus and how we should live our lives.  Kenny was given the opportunity to participate in a parish church event just like other people and didn't need any different accommodations.  We are all so proud of him!  The best parts about it were that number one, Father Billy asked ME to be Kenny's sponsor and number two, Kenny got to meet Archbishop Aymond!  He stayed with an ear-to-ear grin on his face the entire time!  I truly believe this was something that he wanted to do!

Father Billy, Kenny, and Deacon Matthew

 Archbishop Aymond and Kenny

The rest of the year was hard, to say the least.  After a lot of interrogation, I revealed to E that I had almost eight thousand dollars in credit card debt.  I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself.  I had kept it hidden for about four years and at one time, I had a grip on the debt.  I had actually paid off all the credit cards at some point.  But little by little I kept charging on them and before I knew it, they all had outstanding balances and I could barely afford the minimum payment on all of them.  With E and my mom's help, I got a debt consolidation loan and paid them all off.  When I got my income tax return in February, I paid the loan off in full.  I don't know what to say about myself except that it was a hard lesson learned and that I shouldn't supplement feeling bad with shopping and purchasing things that are out of my price range simply because I want something.  I'm aggravated with myself because all the money I spent paying off credit cards could've been used to pay off my car or get E a new vehicle, or SOMETHING. 

And so commences 2014.  The year started off well.  I started another semester of school (and by far the hardest one).  A couple weeks before classes began, I got a head start on all the readings so I'd be somewhat on par with the course work.  I scheduled the second part of the Anatomy and Physiology class, the second part of my British Literature class, and the first part of my Physics class.  I know I was going to be stressed from the get go with the Physics class because I have absolutely no experience with that whatsoever.  I didn't realize how quickly I was going to feel overwhelmed.  The more I studied, the more confused I got.  I'd get help from other classmates and the teacher and that didn't help.  And it was the same thing with my A&P class.  The highest grade I've gotten in my A&P class was a C.  NOT GOOD.  I spent so much time studying that I was neglecting myself and other things.  I STAYED STRESSED OUT.  All the while, I could feel myself getting more and more involved and excited about my British Literature class.  The more we read and get into it, the more consumed I've become.  This just kept building up and building up.

Which leads me to the major decision I've come to about school and my future career........

I've done a LOT of soul searching lately.  The phrase "a lot" doesn't even justify what I've been doing lately.  I've talked to my A&P and Physics teacher and explained to them that I AM trying really hard, not just playing around and not taking my classes seriously.  They seemed as though they were understanding and compassionate towards my situation.  My Physics teacher has made remarks not specifically to me, but I have a feeling they were directed towards me that weren't so nice.  I got one of the lowest grades in the class on the test and he mentioned something about he can see who's trying and who's not and who does the assignments.  That really bothered me, especially since I had spoken to him a couple of days before the test.  Then things just kept getting harder and harder in A&P.  I know none of the classes I'm taking are easy, but there's a line that I had to draw.  I felt as though I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  I couldn't sleep at night and when I did, all I could think about was school.  I was waking up two and three times a night thinking about school work.  Sometimes I'd get up and try to do more schoolwork, hoping that somehow it would all click and I'd finally understand everything I was studying.  No such luck.  But the one thing that did make my happy besides my family and my friends...was literature.  Reading, writing, you name it.  That became my muse.  My A&P teacher even asked me one day while I was talking to her if I ever thought about the fact that maybe the medical field wasn't meant for me.

WHAT?

I'd never thought about it before then, but maybe she was right.  Was I forcing myself to get into a field that I really didn't want to simply because of the money?  Was I pursing a career that I thought everybody else wanted for me?

YES.  YES, I WAS.  I felt horrible about myself.  I'm spending all this money to go to college and FOR WHAT?  For a career that I'll eventually hate?  For a field that I may NEVER get accepted into?  I knew I had to talk to my family about this because whatever decision I make affects them.  My mom called me right as I was thinking of calling her (which always seems to happen!).  She said she'd noticed that I seemed depressed, stressed out, and she knew something was wrong.  So I explained to her how I felt about school and she asked me the same thing my A&P teacher asked me.  Why couldn't I see this for myself?  Why did it take others bringing it to my attention before I did something.  After a long talk, I heard what I needed to hear from her...that no matter what career choice I made, she'd support my decision.  WHAT A HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF! I talked to E that same evening and another huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when he told me he'd support any decision I make.  I felt happier and more relieved than I'd felt in several months!  My decision is made...

I'm an English major now.  And no, I don't plan on teaching.

I've always had a passion for literature and writing.  My absolute dream would be to work for a radio station as a personality or as a news reporter for one of our local stations.  But I'd be happy working in anything that relates to journalism and/or the communications field.  I did a lot of writing in high school and still do a lot for my job.  The more I think about it, the happier I am.  I can tell you for the first time IN A LONG TIME, things feel like they are falling in place and I'm going where I want to in life and not where I think others want me to go.

So that's about it.  That's been my life these past several months.  It may not seem hectic, but I assure you, I'm always busy!  Especially lately!  My school's literary magazine is going to be published soon and I've been working on submissions for it.  I have a few scholarships that I'm trying to apply for that require some writing and personal essays (hey--anything to help pay for school and that's less that comes out of my pocket!).  I just finished one paper for my BL class and I'm in the process of reading up on ideas for the second one.  I'm also working on my schedule for next semester as well.  I plan on taking twelve hours, and I've only done that ONCE since I've returned to school (and if you remember, that's the semester that I got a 4.0).  I'm not expecting anything NEAR that.  I hope to post again in the next week or so and update y'all again.

A quote I'd like to share from John Keats's poem "Ode on a Grecian Urn":
'"Beauty is truth, truth beauty"-that is all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'

Until next time!

Alane