Alane's Crawfish Monica

I had a very lazy Sunday and decided (well, owed--I'll tell you why later) to make some Crawfish Monica.  For those who don't know, that's basically a pasta with a crawfish and cream sauce.  My "new daddy", Steve, brought us a queen mattress on Wednesday that they were going to throw out.  In lieu of pay, I cooked for him.  The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach, after all!

This is the recipe that I've based my cooking on:
http://www.deepsouthdish.com/2010/03/crawfish-monica-copycat.html

This is my version of it...  I made a double batch for Steve and for E's family.

Can't have CM without the pasta.  I like to use the bowties because I think they're cute.  Most people use rotini.  I say use what you have.

For the double batch, I cooked about a pound and a half.  That was the perfect amount.  When I'm cooking just enough for E and I, I cook one pound and it's WAY too much.  If I had to guess I'd say use a half pound.


I chopped onions, green onions, mushrooms, garlic, and parsley.  I use A LOT.  Use to your liking.

 You don't see the garlic because I cheated and used the store bought minced garlic...

I melted some butter...

 ...and added the onions, green onions, and mushrooms and let them saute for about five minutes.

I added the garlic...

 ...and the parsley...

...and now have what some people call a mirepoix, but with mushrooms.

  By this time, the kitchen is REALLY smelling good!







Next, I add the half and half.  I used about a quart and a half.

 

I added a little bit of sour cream and cream cheese.  You have to be careful not to add too much sour cream because then the texture of the monica sauce becomes curdled-looking.  I used about three tablespoons of sour cream and four ounces of cream cheese.  You can choose to omit this step, if you wish.  I think it thickens the sauce and makes it a little richer-tasting.

I attempted to make a video as to how the texture should look.  The background noise is E playing Far Cry 3.  I hope this helps a little bit...

From here, I turn the fire low and let the sauce blend together for about ten to fifteen minutes.  Next I add Tony Chachere's.  I used to use the powdered crawfish boil, believe it or not.  It gave it a nice spicy kick.  But each time the sauce would come out too salty and honestly would be ruined.  From trial and error, I learned that the Tony's is the best bet.  USE A LITTLE AT A TIME!  REMEMBER, ONCE IT'S TOO SALTY, IT WON'T COME OUT RIGHT!  Use caution as well with the seasoning because keep in mind, the crawfish you're using will have some spice, salt, and other natural flavors.

Let it cook together for another five minutes and then add the crawfish, the true gem of the recipe.  ALWAYS USE CRAWFISH FROM A BOIL.  The stuff you buy in the store WILL NOT CUT IT!  It will not have the natural flavors and goodness that the crawfish from the boil has.  Again, use to your liking.  I probably have about five pounds in this batch.

 

Make sure your fire is still low and let it go for another five to ten minutes.  THEN IT'S DONE!

Take your pasta and GRADUALLY add it to the sauce mix.  Blend well and E-N-J-O-Y!

I apologize for the messy stove.  I am a bit ornery about having a clean stove before I cook.  I promise you, I cleaned it before I cooked.  I am a messy stirer and a messy cook. 

And there you have it!  I usually don't compliment myself, but I think this was probably the best one I've cooked to date.  :)

Comment if you have any questions.  I'll be more than happy to answer them.  I'm also open to suggestions as well.  Looking forward to hearing from you!


Alane

A NOT-SO-HAPPY Father's Day

I procrastinated enough about this post.  I hesitated writing it, thinking that maybe...somehow...the words wouldn't come out right.  It's got to be said.

I TRULY DESPISE FATHER'S DAY.

Granted, Emmett is a great dad to Abigail.  He also has a pretty cool dad.  I, myself, have a "new daddy" who goes above and beyond to make an ass of himself to give someone else a laugh.  Not to mention, there ARE great dads out there who go the extra mile for their families.  But I can't help myself... I feel angry, jealous, and hostile towards those families because of that.  Both of my grandfathers died before I was born.  And I'm (unfortunately) not very close to either side of my mom's and dad's family.

My dad was a shitty dad.  Blunt, I know.  It is what it is though.  He didn't work hard.  He did what he had to do to barely make it by.  He didn't try to better himself.  He was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards my mom, my siblings, and me.  He made broken promises.  He was self-centered.  He was a drunk.  He put us down when we were up.  He kicked us when we were down.  He was a man pig who thought that a woman's place was in the home and not in the workplace.  He didn't encourage us to better ourselves.  He thought he was better than everyone.  He wasn't the dad that my siblings and I deserved.  And for that, I have trouble respecting and forgiving him.

He died suddenly in 2003 from heart disease and cirrhosis of the liver about a month after I started college.  I'm not gonna lie--it was traumatic, confusing, and hurtful.  I was 18 years old and had just lost a parent.  This man, who made our family completely dependent on him, wasn't alive anymore and left us all in shock.  My poor mom saw him right before he passed.  She was a wreck for the longest time.  She couldn't eat, sleep, and could barely function.  I stepped up... I cooked, cleaned, took care of my brother and sister, and helped to make sure the bills got paid.  As hard as it was going through it all... his death seemed like a huge weight was lifted off our shoulders.  NO ONE could intimidate us, hurt us, or hold us down any longer.  But it was frightening at the same time.  We had to learn to make decisions for ourselves.

I get angry, frustrated, and sad at the same time around Father's Day.  I resent the fact that my dad wasn't a better dad and that everyone else seems so happy and appreciative of their fathers.  I'M NOT.  And as much of an ass as my dad was, I still wish he would've been a better dad.  I think deep down, he did love us, but was mentally and physically ill and that prevented him from showing us that he loved us.  He's been dead for going on ten years now.  I know I should let the past go, forgive him, let him be dead peacefully, and just talk about the good that he did.  But that's just it--I DON'T SEE the good he did.  All I know is how bad he hurt us.  Maybe I should forgive... one thing I won't do is forget.

So go ahead and appreciate your fathers.  Deep down, I am happy that you have that.  Forgive me if I seem hostile and laugh at me if you wish; tell me I'm having daddy issues.  I'll live.  I'm learning to appreciate the men that are in my life.  Just give me time.

Alane

When Mommy hugs and kisses don't always work

I don't even know where to begin.  My heart is at a standstill.  It feels broken and lost.

Yesterday, I took Abigail to Children's Hospital for an appointment with her ear, nose, & throat doctor.

I'll give you some background as to why we were there... as a toddler, she had tubes put in her ears.  She complained of pain in her ear from time to time, but I hadn't gave it much thought.  I noticed, however, that she seemed to have trouble hearing.  I casually mentioned this to her pediatrician and that's when she showed me how large the hole in her ear drum was, most likely from when her tubes fell out and it didn't heal.  Last year, she had surgery to repair a large hole in her left ear drum.  The doctor did warn me that the hole was so large (it was 80% of her ear drum) that I shouldn't be surprised if the surgery has to be done again to fix it.  That's why we were at Children's yesterday.

She does have to have the surgery again.  The hole is nowhere near as large as it was last year, but it's big enough that it will cause problems if something isn't done.  They did a hearing test on her and while she still does have some hearing loss, it is a huge improvement from last year.  This time around though, it will be a quicker healing process and recovery period.  It just depends on how SHE feels afterwards.

I knew to expect this to happen again.  No one wants to see his or her child go through surgery, no matter how minor, simple, or uncomplicated it may be.  Sure, it is for the doctor, but I truly feel it's never easy for the parents.  For me, it's knowing that she will be in pain and will be scared and I won't be there to comfort her.  I know as soon as she's in recovery they will let me see her.  But for that short period of time that's after surgery but before they allow the parents in, I know she's terrified.  She knows she's having surgery.  But she's scared.  And she will be surrounded by strangers.  She will scream, cry, and wonder why her mom isn't there.  I'll explain to her why they don't let parents in right away, but it's not reassuring.  For her OR for me.

When she had the surgery last year, she cried for a solid hour.  She was terrified.  I can't think of any other way to describe it.  All she could do was scream, "Mommy!  My ear hurts!".  It felt as though no matter what I did, NOTHING comforted her.  Ms. Julie (Emmett's mom) came with me that day and THANK GOD SHE DID.  Abigail was crying.  I was crying because she was crying.  The nurses told me that it was the anesthesia that was making her upset.  I think that may have been part of the problem, but I knew it was more than that.   Ms. Julie told me to walk downstairs and grab a couple drinks.  I didn't want to leave my baby--not while she was as hysterical as she was.  Reluctantly, I did.  I came back to see a completely different child.  She was smiling, happy, and drawing in her coloring book.  I was stumped.  What in the hell happened?  Ms. Julie told me that as soon as I walked out of the room, Abigail was fine.  I don't even know how to explain it... and I felt even worse.  Was I the reason she was crying so much?  I asked Abigail a couple days later why she had cried so much, whether it was because she was in pain or she was scared and you know what she told me?  She didn't even remember crying at all.  To this day, I'm baffled by it.

On to yesterday's visit...
Dr. J (that's what they all call her for short) did an excellent job at reassuring Abigail that everything was going to be okay and that she was going to take excellent care of her.  This doctor and her staff are remarkable.  They are so soft-spoken, empathetic, and caring.  I did everything I could to reassure her everything was going to be okay.  She asked the doctor the most heart-wrenching thing she's every asked anybody,  "Why do I have so many things wrong with me?  I mean, I have this stupid birthmark that made me sick a lot when I was a baby.  People ask me all the time what's wrong with me.  And now I have to have a second surgery on my ear and all I know is that it hurts really bad and I'll have to take ear drops every day.  They're so nasty and I hate how I can taste them."

I FROZE.

The doctor tried to reassure her that nothing was wrong with HER, and that many kids go through the same thing that she will be doing.  I knew better.  How many kids do YOU know that have been through chemotherapy TWICE?  I know I don't know many.  How many kids get picked on because of the way their bodies look?

I still don't know what to think or say.  On the ride home, I talked to her and tried to figure out why she feels the way she does.  You know what she told me?  "You just wouldn't understand, Mom."  I sure would try to, but she's right.  I've been there every step of the way with her, but I haven't been the one to actually go through it all.  It hurts because I feel like I'm not doing my job as a mom to comfort her...to protect her...to reassure her...to make sure everything's alright.  But then I have to pull myself together and realize also, that I can't be with her every single moment of every single day.  I can't be in control of her life all the time.  AND I HATE IT.

I found something she drew after her surgery; it was a little girl saying I HATE MY MOM.  I never asked her about it; one, because it broke my heart, and two, because I know it's okay for her to be angry at me from time to time and to have a healthy way of expressing the anger.  Deep down, I think it was because I was the one to take her to the doctor and to the hospital.  I was the one who signed the papers for her to have the surgery.  She felt as though I was the one putting her through this.

For some people, all they need is a hug and a kiss to make them feel better.  When it comes to my baby girl, it hurts that a hug and kiss sometimes just isn't enough.  I was grateful I took the day off yesterday and spent it with her.  I took her for ice cream and we went swimming after the appointment yesterday and her smile was priceless.  It's not often I have the opportunity to have quality time with her like yesterday.  It was great for a moment to forget about everything and to be grateful to have each other.  I'm still stunned, sad, and frustrated at the fact that my baby feels the way she does.  Even if they might not help, she will get all the hugs and kisses this mommy can possibly give her.

It's amazing how you can read something and it will hit you so hard... as if you couldn't have said it better yourself.

Alane

Procrastination...AT MY BEST!

First and foremost, I must profusely apologize for my lack of posts.  I convince myself that it'll get done when I get home from work and SOMETHING always comes up and it doesn't get done.  I graduated three weeks ago and what have I been doing since then?  Nothing constructive, I will assure you!  I'm disappointed in myself for not accomplishing anything since I've been out of school.  Here's my day in a nutshell: I drop off Abigail at camp, I go to work, pick her up from camp, come home, cook, clean, bathe, go to bed, and do it all again the next day.  I promised myself I was going to start working out on a regular basis because my ten year high school reunion is in October and I want to look good.  I was VERY DISAPPOINTED with how my graduation pictures came out... it made me realize how out of shape I really am.  Once I do start exercising, I WILL keep updates for sure!

While I'm talking about graduation...it was definitely an amazing experience.  I didn't think I would be nearly as nervous as I was, either.  The baccalaureate mass was at school the day before graduation.  It was awkward going to school wearing the cap and gown.  Wasn't easy to drive with it on, let me assure you!  I could turn my head JUST A LITTLE while driving and that made me nervous.  I felt like someone balancing books on my head wearing the cap.  The gown made me feel as though I was wearing a mu mu.  Everyone I talked to said the same thing as well, so it made me feel better.  The mass was wonderful and beautiful.  I was happy my mom, brother, and Abigail came too.  :)  I think they were more excited because there was was a reception with cake and punch; my family has an insatiable sweet tooth!

I wanted Abigail to take a picture with me, but as usual, she was being stubborn and refused to take a picture.  My brother, Kenny, was willing (as always) to pose with me.

 

 Then came graduation day.  I don't remember the last time I was so nervous and excited at the same time!  I woke up at 6:30 in the morning to start getting ready.  I know The Times Picayune (our local newspaper) publishes the list of graduates every year and I was anxious to see my name in the newspaper.  I guess you could say felt a sense of foreshadowing... I had been having dreams that I would be forgotten in the newspaper or at graduation.  I wrote them off as nervousness and didn't think anything of it, but when I looked in the newspaper, my name was not there.  MY HEART SANK.  I instantly started crying.  I felt as though my worst nightmare was coming true.  Maybe this had been all a dream...  Did I make up the fact that I was graduating?  I was just crushed.  I emailed my adviser and told her what  happened and she assured me that it would be taken care of, and not to worry.  But...how could I not?  I felt left out.  Unimportant.  So belittled.  I realized I had to pull myself together because this was NOT the day to be an emotional wreck.  It hurt, but I wasn't going to let anybody know it.

Here's the link with the corrections--it turns out, it wasn't just MY name that was left out!  Someone else's name was left out too!

Is it wrong of me to feel hostile towards them for the error?

Anyway, I left my house at quarter to 8 to get my hair done by my FANTASTIC & AWESOME hair stylist, Brittany.  She's even more awesome in my book because she came in ON A SUNDAY to do my hair.  In less than an hour, she made my straight-as-a-board hair into something that hadn't been accomplished before--CURLS!  Anytime I (or anyone else, for the matter) try to curl my hair, it falls flat within thirty minutes.  NOT THIS TIME!

Again, SHE IS AWESOME!  If you're ever in Belle Chasse, go see her at Salon Jolie!  :)

Before too long, it was time for me to leave to go to the Alario Center for graduation.  I was pretty sure I knew where the place was, but I had never been there before so I wasn't 100% sure.  I didn't think to look online for directions until AFTER I left.  Mom to the rescue!  She gave me excellent directions and I found the place with no problems.

Waiting for graduation was so nerve racking.  I didn't know many people that were graduating, so I kept to myself until it was time to line up.  I was actually SHAKING!  THIS WAS IT!  THE MOMENT I WORKED SO FAR FOR HAD FINALLY COME!  The graduation itself was the quickest one I'd ever been to--less than two hours!  After graduation came time for pictures, and I must confess, it felt weird having Ari, Netty (my sisters), and E taking pictures of me.  I'm not used to having anyone make a big fuss over me!

 Mom and I

 Kenny and I

 The piece de la resistance!

 My older sister Netty and I

 My absolute favorite picture of the day!  Us in our element!

 E, Abigail, and I.  And of course, she didn't want her picture taken!

 My younger sister Ari and I

But I talked her into smiling for this one!

The rest of the day was pretty laid back.  I had asked E to barbeque some chicken for me and I made some macaroni and cheese.  My family and E's family came by for dinner.  Ms. Julie (E's mom and my partner in crime) made some AWESOME bread pudding and Mom brought my favorite--CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE CAKE!  I wish I would've taken some pictures but I was too busy stuffing my face to do so!

Since graduation, I really haven't been up to much.  Abigail's dance revue is in a couple weeks so we have been practicing, taking pictures, and all that good stuff.  This is her fifth year of dancing and I love how much she really enjoys it.  I hope it's something she'll keep up with.

This costume is for the jazz dance.  They are dancing to "Cover Girl", by Rupaul

And really...that's about it.  I'm sorry I haven't been diligent about updates or anything.  I get distracted easily and just sometimes...I forget.

One thing I want to add is that I've changed my name on Instagram (FOR GOOD, THIS TIME!).  Here's the link:  http://instagram.com/alane_of_traffic#

I like to end each post with a little something that applies to how I'm feeling at the moment.  This one is DEFINITELY appropriate!  :)

I'm not a LOTR fan, but I LOVE this quote!

Alane